11 feb: another corpse

... "leave grandma on the table first... otherwise we can't continue shopping," dad said... we then off loaded a corpse ( i could not recall who was carrying her on the back, but one of us was)... the corpse of a young-ish female, definitely did not look like grandma... not scary either... but definitely lifeless... not stiff like a mannequin... a young, skinny, unconscious woman with bendy limbs... her skin was pale not dead grey...

2 feb: seeing coffin

i couldn't even remember why i ended up in this massive temple... and it was dusk... i didn't recall any familiar family members being there... but i was with a group of people - perhaps uncle K...
what really struck me was the sight of death and smell of death as i caught sight of the procession - 4 taoist in full gear, all in black robs and hat, the two long bamboo rods heavily weighted on each of their shoulders, suspending the rectangular coffin...
the coffin was made of wood, lacquared - mostly black with intricate and minute gold / orange floral patterns on each panal... it was huge and angular, there were no arounded corners, it felt like a fed ex wooden cargo with a crafty exterior...
the box looked light... but the weight of death was heavy... it was like fog... grey, heavy fog... dragging down the space around it...
i was scared of being in close proximity to the space... i was scared of the smell of death... the smell of decay...
it was a funeral for another family we didn't know... as passer-bys, it was customary to offer incense to show our respect... we purchased some at the counter (curiously there were two separate counters, two different operators within the temple)...
we needed a light... and the last thing i remember was seeing the man several feet in front of me, lighting his incense by tearing them in halves... the friction of the breakage set the incense alight...

2 feb: feeling of impending failure

... i was at school... it was university, on the day of graduation... all my family was there to watch the ceremony... before the big celebration, fifi reminded me or rather i reminded myself after seeing her clutching her all important last assignment/ assessment - a summary of the thesis we had been working on...
it was 9:30am... i just arrived at the graduation venue... there was the gown to hire and photos to be taken and time to share with family... but only one thing was on my mind ,"!!)@(*$&*(&@# was there a final assessment?!" yes there was... the faint whisper was becoming louder at the recesses of my mind... i put that thought there! in the far far corner of the subconscious, full oc cobwebs... i hated writing summaries... it was not hard to do, but i hated it...
now i have less than 3 hours... i tried to start scribbling gibberish on the A4 lecture pad... how would that compare with the neatly bound 40 page specimen clutched in fifi's hand? would i disappoint my whole family... would they have to retreat to their cars with embarrassment learning that there was to be no graduation for me after all..

late jan: being assasinated 0.2

the sandstone buildings were overtowering the landscape... it was the oldest section of the university where mum and i have attended, thirty years apart... the last time i was here was for a celebration... this time around, it was different... my mum and i had to move quickly... dad had already left in the black four wheel drive to divert their attention... all we had to do now was to criss-cross within the dark corridors of these old buildings to meet up with dad at blackburn... we were moving at an acelerating pace... we must have looked as though we were late for a lecture... then a group of three asian "tourist" slowed us... "no don't stop, don't answer them mum!" i could only think... and they started to ask for directions... once they detected our slowing pace, they turned around and started chasing us... it was so close... a left turn at the corner... mum nearly go trip by one of the men...

late jan: being assasinated 0.1

... from our first flour apartment, i descended down the step to the apartment foyer... the 2-storey atrium was illuminated by overcast daylight, not unlike the flourescence lighting which would switch on precisely at 6pm every evening... i barely pressed on the release botton, covered by transparent plastic for hygiene reasons (very common after the SARS incident), and the floor to ceiling door swinged open... i quickened my pace with a few doudle jumps down the stairs to the common garage... just before a reached the bottom, my eyes caught a glimps of our car - dark, stationery, very still, resting at right angles to the pathway into the garage, awaiting for me to alight - my sister would be there, my mother too...
"bang, bang, bang," in quick successions... another glimpse of one or two fast moving shadows... was that the shaft of a gun?
immediately my instinct made me to turn around... "run, run, run,"... "run back up!"