5 march: bush fires!

i continued sleeping after i spotted ewan leaving... strangely i also moved while i was sleeping... and when i woke up, i was no longer in a perth hostel, i was in our hk apartment, alone!
i woke up to to smell of smoke... it wasn't choking me... it was like incense... the smell of smoke drifting past my nose... i straight away went into hay fever mode and jumped up from bed (i think i was in grandma's room - there was still a bed next to the windows)
i saw burning trees outside! and amber floating in the air... the fire was not roaring (like the ones they have been showing on tele the last few weeks)... it looked like the leaves were burning like "ghost money / ancestor offerings" - i could see the slow glow of heat around the edge of the leaves, no flames... it didn't feel ghostly or too scary... but none the less i was worried about the "fire" spreading and the apartment catching on fire...
some of the windows in the house were opened and amber was drifting in... i quickly closed all the windows, and had to splash big bowls of water so that the curtains would not catch on fire... during that time, i really really wanted to ring mcduck for help... but the tasks of closing the windows and extingushing the burning amber were more pressing...
i caught a glimpse of neighbouring apartments when i was closing mum's window near her bedhead... all the apartments below were deserted! i was alone alright! i must have slept trough the evacuation...
then the phone rang... it was mcduck...

5 march: a sad ewan

it felt like i was on some kind of road trip and i was in perth - with the bright blue sky with no cloud in the sky & a cool breeze in the air...
i remember this scene - a walk by the shore (azure water with sandy beach & lot of other tourists and locals)... i saw this lady coming by with 3 golden retrievers... one of them has a bright red silk scarf tied around its neck... they were happy dogs, i could tell... they were bouncing up and down, skipping along... the owner was this blonde lady, average built, her face looking familiar as i glanced ather, then had to glance again to do a double take... "do i know her?"
she thought so... she said she was yvonne - snowflake's yvonne - but she didn't look like snowflake's yvonne, the face wasn't right... i didn't have time to argue, she was gone in a flash with her dogs...
then another scene: i was back at the resting place, with bunks on each side of the wall in the room... they were 3 levels high... it was like a hostel - and i had a feeling i was crashing out in a shared room with other strangers (it must have been uni times, as i would never do that now adays)...
then i spotted another familiar face - the bottom bunk with little head room, someone looking v sad, curling up in a ball in bed... someone who looked like he hadnd't washed for a week... someone hiding his sorrows under a thick bush of beard - it was ewan! "long way round ewan"! i couldn't believe my eyes... my first instinct was, " i want to get an autograph or photo or something"... but then his sad face reminded me, "gotta leave him alone."
i was about to drift to sleep at my own bunk when i saw him waking up, waking out of the room...

end of feb: lost 2 teeth

i was grinding my teeth so much... i felt the bottom 2 incisors becoming increasingly loose... to make matters worse, these 2 teeth are not next to each other, they were separated by just one incisor...
i was petrified of the prospect that i would loose 2 front teeth!
and i did!
i ended up having to get dental implants to replace my missing incisors...
it was terrible!

11 feb: another corpse

... "leave grandma on the table first... otherwise we can't continue shopping," dad said... we then off loaded a corpse ( i could not recall who was carrying her on the back, but one of us was)... the corpse of a young-ish female, definitely did not look like grandma... not scary either... but definitely lifeless... not stiff like a mannequin... a young, skinny, unconscious woman with bendy limbs... her skin was pale not dead grey...

2 feb: seeing coffin

i couldn't even remember why i ended up in this massive temple... and it was dusk... i didn't recall any familiar family members being there... but i was with a group of people - perhaps uncle K...
what really struck me was the sight of death and smell of death as i caught sight of the procession - 4 taoist in full gear, all in black robs and hat, the two long bamboo rods heavily weighted on each of their shoulders, suspending the rectangular coffin...
the coffin was made of wood, lacquared - mostly black with intricate and minute gold / orange floral patterns on each panal... it was huge and angular, there were no arounded corners, it felt like a fed ex wooden cargo with a crafty exterior...
the box looked light... but the weight of death was heavy... it was like fog... grey, heavy fog... dragging down the space around it...
i was scared of being in close proximity to the space... i was scared of the smell of death... the smell of decay...
it was a funeral for another family we didn't know... as passer-bys, it was customary to offer incense to show our respect... we purchased some at the counter (curiously there were two separate counters, two different operators within the temple)...
we needed a light... and the last thing i remember was seeing the man several feet in front of me, lighting his incense by tearing them in halves... the friction of the breakage set the incense alight...

2 feb: feeling of impending failure

... i was at school... it was university, on the day of graduation... all my family was there to watch the ceremony... before the big celebration, fifi reminded me or rather i reminded myself after seeing her clutching her all important last assignment/ assessment - a summary of the thesis we had been working on...
it was 9:30am... i just arrived at the graduation venue... there was the gown to hire and photos to be taken and time to share with family... but only one thing was on my mind ,"!!)@(*$&*(&@# was there a final assessment?!" yes there was... the faint whisper was becoming louder at the recesses of my mind... i put that thought there! in the far far corner of the subconscious, full oc cobwebs... i hated writing summaries... it was not hard to do, but i hated it...
now i have less than 3 hours... i tried to start scribbling gibberish on the A4 lecture pad... how would that compare with the neatly bound 40 page specimen clutched in fifi's hand? would i disappoint my whole family... would they have to retreat to their cars with embarrassment learning that there was to be no graduation for me after all..

late jan: being assasinated 0.2

the sandstone buildings were overtowering the landscape... it was the oldest section of the university where mum and i have attended, thirty years apart... the last time i was here was for a celebration... this time around, it was different... my mum and i had to move quickly... dad had already left in the black four wheel drive to divert their attention... all we had to do now was to criss-cross within the dark corridors of these old buildings to meet up with dad at blackburn... we were moving at an acelerating pace... we must have looked as though we were late for a lecture... then a group of three asian "tourist" slowed us... "no don't stop, don't answer them mum!" i could only think... and they started to ask for directions... once they detected our slowing pace, they turned around and started chasing us... it was so close... a left turn at the corner... mum nearly go trip by one of the men...